lovequotesx3: I don’t want someone constantly saying I’m beautiful or hot or sexy. I want someone who will fight with me, tell me he hates me and acts like he’s crying just so I will kiss him. I want someone who will make fun of me, do things for himself and hang out with his friends and not always do everything I say. I don’t want the perfect guy. I want the guy who is nowhere near perfect and knows that I’m not either, but loves me anyway.
lovequotesx3: It’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.
I’m am almost to the point of completely breaking down. I need medication, indefinitely, but how do you tell your mom that you think you’re clinically depressed? I know without a doubt I would not commit suicide, but I’m to the point where life feels utterly pointless. I’ve severed so many ties at school, I can’t think of anyone beyond Sydney and Jordan who I haven’t done some sort of damage to. I’m the biggest bitch I know. I want to switch schools so badly, but Jordan and Sydney have literally become my life. My everything, my world. More so Jordan, but still; I couldn’t leave him. I think I might need a break from everything, but I don’t know how to get that. I’m seriously considering skipping school tomorrow to just breeeaathe, but we’ve had so many snow days lately, I don’t think I can afford to miss, nor do I think I can pull it off with my mom. At the same time, cheer is completely over suffocating me. I don’t even KNOW of a day in my future that I have a day off from it. I’ve been so committed to it, but now I’m not sure how worth it it is. I might not even be able to cheer in college if I can’t lose the weight. I’m not eating tomorrow, I can’t. I HAVE TWENTY FUCKING POUNDS TO LOSE. I’ve got to quit putting that off. I almost think I need a break from Jordan too. Depending on him as much as I do is starting to hurt me. I can’t expect so much of him because he doesn’t know what to say when I’m upset, eight times out of ten. Knowing he loves me doesn’t seem to solve as much as it once did. I’ve been hurt and fucked over and left too many times for “I love you” to mean the world to me. His love could change over night for all I know; he hasn’t texted me back, but he might be asleep. IDFK what is wrong with me. I just want Jordan to tell me everything is going to be okay, but I know he can’t because it won’t. Campus isn’t the place for me anymore, there’s no way to go along merrily, (I JUST LAUGHED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HOURS) there anymore; I have bitched out too many people and I have too much pride to apologize or make new friends. I don’t know what to do anymore but school tomorrow doesn’t feel like an option. I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of bed. I might not even go brush my teeth before bed, I feel so fucking weak. Fuck today.
No name, fake email, no personal info. I’m using tumbr because I lost my diary. Forreal. I’m going out on a limb and putting my personal, private life on tumblr. Maybe I want a risk, maybe I’m desperate for some self expression. Mostly I think I just don’t care who sees this, I want room to talk about ANYTHING I want in public; tumblr is giving me that room. Thank you, dearest internet, <3 I’ll be updating you soon.
Real?
